The Grudge You Keep Carrying

It was years ago. They’ve probably forgotten. But the moment still has a groove in you, and every so often you find yourself running through it again, getting angry at someone who isn’t in the room.

Forgiving is not excusing

Most people resist forgiveness because they think it means saying it was fine. It doesn’t. You can forgive someone and still believe what they did was wrong. You can forgive someone and never speak to them again. Forgiveness isn’t a verdict on them, it’s a decision about you.

The grudge feels like it’s holding them accountable. In practice, they’re not carrying it, you are. You’re the one replaying it, the one whose evening gets soured. Often you’re also still waiting for an apology that isn’t coming, as if the hurt can only end when they decide to end it.

It helps to look at the story you’ve built about why they did it. Sometimes it’s accurate. Sometimes it’s a motive you assigned, the worst one available, because it made the hurt make sense.

Letting a little go

Write down what they did in one sentence, without adjectives. Under it, write what holding onto it has cost you, in time, mood or peace. Then write: “I’m not saying it was fine; I’m choosing to stop paying for it.” Read it once, and don’t worry if you don’t fully mean it yet, because forgiveness is usually a direction before it’s a feeling.

That’s enough for today.