The Motive You Assigned

Someone doesn’t reply, or gives a short answer, or looks past you in a meeting — and within seconds you’ve built a complete account of what they think of you. Usually it’s unflattering, and usually you treat it as fact.

You’re reading a mind you can’t see

You don’t have access to what other people think. You have their behaviour, filtered through your own mood, and from that thin evidence you construct a motive.

The account you build says more about your fears than about them. A short reply might mean they’re busy, distracted, or tired — reasons that have nothing to do with you. But the mind reaches for the version where you’re the problem, because that’s the version it’s practised.

This is a story you’re adding to a neutral event, then reacting to as if it were true.

The evidence rarely supports it

When you actually check — by asking, or simply by waiting — the grim interpretation is usually wrong. People are mostly thinking about themselves, not composing quiet judgements of you.

And even when someone does think something unkind, you can’t control that, and it costs you far less than the constant anxiety of guessing at it.

The one action

Next time you’re sure of what someone thinks, add three words to the thought: “or maybe not.” Then name one ordinary reason for their behaviour that has nothing to do with you. Let that version be equally possible.

That’s enough for today.