The Fear of the End

It can come from nowhere. Brushing your teeth, driving home, lying awake. A sudden, cold awareness that you will die, and so will everyone you love, and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The fear is not a malfunction

Being afraid of death isn’t a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s one of the most ordinary human feelings there is. Trying to get rid of it completely usually backfires, because the harder you push a thought away, the more often it comes back.

The more useful question isn’t how to stop the fear. It’s what to do with it. Left alone, it tends to shrink your life: you avoid the subject, avoid the doctor, avoid thinking about the future at all. Turned the other way, it can sharpen your life, because it is the reason an ordinary day is worth something.

From fear to attention

People who have come close to dying often say the same thing afterwards. They stopped postponing. They called the friend, said the thing, took the trip they’d been saving for someday. The fear didn’t disappear for them. It just stopped being a reason to look away and became a reason to look closer.

When the fear comes

Next time the fear arrives, don’t argue with it, just say to yourself that this is the fear of dying, and it’s normal. Take three slow breaths and let it be there. Then ask one question, which is what you’d want to have done today if today mattered. Pick one small answer and do it before you go to sleep.

That’s enough for today.